I was recently determined to be an Essential Staff Member at the office. To make this official, they gave me a magic kiss on the forehead and a BlackBerry Torch.
Oh my dear little lord Jesus!
This thing sucks up all my email – not just my work email, but my home email too – and presents it as a neat little list. It somehow mysteriously hooked itself into my Facebook account (not sure how it learned my password; maybe it got me drunk, or hypnotized me), and now it makes a cheerful little “ka-thunk!” noise whenever I get a Facebook update. It hooks into the Weather Channel, and MSNBC, and Bloomberg, and the radio, and the television. It has GPS and a camera. And I am beginning to get the hang of thumb-typing on a hamster-sized keyboard.
In short, it does everything but count the change in my pocket by radar.
It is my Precious.
However:
A few days ago, I was walking back downtown at lunchtime, and absentmindedly I pulled the BlackBerry from my pocket to check it, and saw an email which needed an answer, and began to answer it, still walking down the sidewalk, not watching where I was going or paying attention to my surroundings.
And I realized with a sudden shock that I had become exactly the kind of person that I have always hated.
But you know what? Haters gonna hate.
My precioussss.
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