This is another cranky-old-man story. Please stop reading now if you’re sick of these.
Still with me? Okay. Here we go:
I wanted to buy flowers for a memorial service that took place on Friday, November 11: Veterans’ Day. I called my favorite local florist, A New Leaf, a not-for-profit which employs people with psychiatric disabilities; they do lovely arrangements and are generally very fairly priced, but sadly they were closed on Veterans’ Day and couldn’t deliver the flowers.
I hung up and thought briefly. There’s another local florist, whom I shall not name – he has a creepily twisted beard, and his shop is on a street which rhymes with Schmickenden, for all you locals – and whom I do not normally use, as I think he is a grimy little gnome. (Some years ago I was standing behind him in line at a local coffee shop, and he went on and on to someone about his staff, blah blah blah, they weren’t trustworthy, he had to do everything himself, blah blah blah. I wanted to bludgeon him to death on the spot, on behalf of his staff.) But, I thought, he’s nearby, and my crazy friend Patricia thinks he’s wonderful, and he can certainly execute a simple commission like this.
So I call Grimy Little Gnome and describe what I need. “And,” I said, “I’d like the flowers delivered tomorrow, noonish.”
“The flowers,” Gnome said in his haughtiest voice, “will be delivered today.”
This caught me offguard. “Beg pardon?” I wheezed.
“We are closed tomorrow,” he said loftily. “We will deliver the flowers today.”
“That’s not appropriate,” I said. “I don’t want them delivered today. I want them delivered tomorrow.”
“That’s simply impossible,” he said coolly.
“Ah,” I said. “Let me get back to you.”
And – click! – down I go with the receiver.
So I call my third florist – Jephry, on Broadway – who was charming on the telephone, and very sweet. When I got to the memorial service the next day, the flowers were there, and they were spectacular. I will also say that he didn’t overcharge me at all.
Moral: when someone gets all diva on you, you should go all diva on them right back.
That’ll show ‘em!
