Fan fiction

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I think one of the great by-creations of the Internet has been the proliferation of fan fiction. It allows fans to pay homage to their favorite movies and books and TV shows by creating new versions of them. Porn versions of “Mary Tyler Moore.” Pirate versions of “Twilight.” Gay versions of “Harry Potter.”

 

 

My goofy friend Apollonia, the #1 Twilight fan in the world, subsists on fan fiction. After all, once you've read all four Twilight novels, and while you're waiting for the godlike Robert Pattinson to complete the movie cycle, what do you do? If you're Apollonia, you read fan fiction. “There's one,” she told me breathlessly, “where Edward has Bella trapped, and he just drains her a little bit at a time, and he's in love with her, but she's - “

 

 

I will not complete that sentence. Dis – gus – ting.

 

 

But I do understand.

 

 

I saw an entry on Tumblr.com recently about Harry Potter. I'm not the biggest Potterite in the world, but I respect J. K. immensely; I own all 300 pounds of her work, mostly in hard cover.  She recently released a tease that seemed to indicate she was writing more wizard-related material, and then it turned out it was just some bits and pieces to be released on the Net.  

 

 

And the world pants for more.

 

 

Anyway: so we know that Hogwarts was founded by four wizards, right? A long time ago, right? And there was conflict between the four of them, right?

 

 

This would be an awesome movie, right?

 

 

The Tumblr people even cast it! Rachel Weisz as Helga Hufflepuff, and Michael Fassbender (the handsome somber young Magneto in the most recent X-Men movie) as Salazar Slytherin . . .

 

 

To quote Gene Wilder in “Young Frankenstein”:

 

 

"It! Could! Work!"

 

 

Are you listening, J. K.?

 

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Harry Potter and the box-office juggernaut

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Partner and I (and most of the rest of the Northern Hemisphere) saw the new Harry Potter movie yesterday. Now, I'm one of those people who read the ending of a book first, because I hate suspense. But I could not make head or tail of the ending of this book! (No spoilers here – but is there anyone who doesn't know how this story ends?) But still. I mean, if Harry's linked to Voldemort, that means he – but, wait a minute, Voldemort drank some of Harry's blood, so he – and there's the whole Horcrux thing, so they both – but they have the same wand, so they -

Anyway. This movie only gets us halfway through the book. We don't have to worry about the face-off between Harry and Voldemort until next July. In three-D. It will be spectacular.

Partner and I liked this movie. It's dark without being obscure. It breezes right along (mostly). It's a whole Who's Who of British cinema, too. (Colin Farrell, on Graham Norton this week, made a funny/sad observation that he hadn't been asked to be in it, and that he was probably the only actor in the British Isles who wasn't asked. It's a shame. He would have been adorable.) There are a few jump-out-of-your seat scenes, which are pleasantly startling without being heart-stopping. The magic is beautifully depicted; it's become so natural over the course of the past six movies, they don't need to feature it anymore. When a newspaper photo turns and looks at you, or someone lights a lamp with a wand, it's not even surprising, even for us Muggles. It just seems normal. (Also, now that Daniel Radcliffe is all grown up, he takes his clothes off a lot. It makes for a pleasant diversion.)

But there's a long dry spell in the middle of the movie: Ron and Harry and Hermione wander in the woods and bicker with one another. Time passes. The scenery is very stark and lovely. Aren't we on the clock here? Isn't Voldemort doing bad stuff off in the distance? Why are you guys just kicking around through the dead leaves and pouting at each other? It's exactly the same dry patch that the novel had, and I remember being very irritated with it. A couple of the novels gave me the sense that Rowling was just filling pages with words, to bulk up the novel – kids like their novels bulky! - and this was one of them.

The movie has a sad / ominous ending. Voldemort (what's with that nose? Do evil wizards get their noses revoked?) is winning. Helena Bonham Carter is a cackling maniac. And somebody nice dies.

But don't worry, kids. Stay tuned. All is not lost. There's more to come.

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