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Monday, December 10, 2012

Christmas

Christmas

I am not feeling much like Christmas this year. My feelings for the holiday have been diminishing for a couple of years now; I used to enjoy decorating, and looking at lights, and giving gifts, and getting gifts in return. Now it’s just a list of things to do: buy a few things, mail some cards, write emails to those people that I’ve been neglecting shamelessly for months now. Partner and I will go away for a few days between Xmas and New Year’s, just for the hell of it, and to break up our routine.

 

 

This is exactly the way my parents felt about Christmas when I was a kid. I hated their bad attitude, and swore I’d never be that cynical.

 

 

And here we are today.

 

 

I have decided, though, that I’m not going to rain on anyone’s parade this year. My mother used to whine and complain about Christmas to anyone who’d listen. I do not intend to follow her example. Why ruin other people’s fun?

 

 

Better to light a candle, etc., etc.

 

 

But not everyone agrees:

 

 

You_stupid_darkness


 

Sunday, December 9, 2012

For Sunday: Van Halen (and David Lee Roth) want you to "Jump"

Van_halen_jump

 

If I were in a more pompous mood, I would tell you that this song is actually a chaconne, with a varied melody over a repeated series of chords.

 

 

But I’m less pompous than I used to be, and frankly, I just like watching David Lee Roth leaping around and mugging for the camera.

 

 

Enjoy.

 

 


 

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Sesame Street, Elmo, and Kevin Clash

Kevin-clash-with-elmo


Over the past few weeks, a mini-drama has been growing over Kevin Clash, who voices Elmo, the little red Sesame Street monster.

 

 

First there was a man who claimed that Clash had relations with him while he was under 18; then he recanted his claim. Since then, however, two other men have come forward with the same story.

 

 

Oh dear.

 

 

I love Sesame Street, and the Muppets. During this past Presidential election, Mitt Romney said he was ready to end funding of PBS and CTW, the homeland of Sesame Street, and there was a backlash: people claimed (very fairly) that Mitt Romney wanted to kill Big Bird, inspiring images like this:

 

Bigbird

 

Well, Obama won the election.

 

 

And now it turns out that the voice of Elmo is a child molester.

 

 

Awful? Of course. But oddly timed. I can’t help wondering if this is Republican reprisal for the election, to weaken PBS as a whole. I wonder if they’ve been digging for dirt on PBS, and finally found some.

 

 

Clash, if guilty, should be punished. But PBS should not be punished.

 

 

The mission of PBS is to make America a little smarter. It made me smarter, back in the 1970s. As for expense: they (together with NPR) receive one one-hundredth of one percent of the Federal budget, for God’s sake!

 

 

If we have to jettison Kevin Clash, fine.

 

 

But let’s not jettison PBS.

 

 

Let your representatives and senators know how you feel about this.

 

 


 

 

Friday, December 7, 2012

Chris Matthews: our very own left-wing babbling idiot

Chris_matthews


I’ve written before about right-wing radio and TV hosts whose political rantings drive me up the wall. I know I’ve mentioned Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh.

 

 

Want to know a surprise? We have a few idiots like that on the left too.

 

 

I like to watch Chris Matthews’s show “Hardball.” His guests are often interesting, and Chris’s politics are close to mine, so I find him easy to watch.

 

 

But, kids, Chris is often unbearable.

 

 

He’s loud and rude. He asks his guests endless “questions” which aren’t questions at all, but long speeches; then, if his guests speak for more than fifteen seconds, he cuts them off. His comments are often pointless. He repeats himself endlessly. He’s very self-congratulatory: recently, when a guest referenced a movie, Matthews cut him/her off to go on and on about the movie, and how he liked it. Who cares, Chris?

 

 

On a recent show, Chris presented Kegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele, co-writers and performers on their own show, “Key and Peele,” who do a very funny Obama routine: Peele as the cool rational Obama, Key as his “anger translator” Luther. It was meant to be a friendly encounter, but Chris kept messing up. He called Obama “cool,” which – coming from an aging white man – sounds like an adjective you’d apply to Miles Davis. He kept referencing the fact that both Key and Peele are biracial, like President Obama, and saying that this enabled them to say things other people can’t say.  Really

 

 

But the worst moment came when Chris asked Key about his routines about football players with funny names. “Well,” Key said (I paraphrase), “lots of people were given funny names, because their mothers wanted to give them unique names. I’ve got a funny name. And you got it wrong, Chris, when you called me Michael. But that’s okay, because my parents gave me a funny name.”

 

 

Chris suddenly realized that he was being called out – which he hates – and blustered back: “Why? What did I call you?”

 

 

“Michael,” Key replied calmly.

 

 

“And what should I have called you?” Chris bellowed defiantly.

 

 

“Well, my family calls me Kegan,” Key said, still calmly.

 

 

Chris made drowning noises for a few seconds, then calmed down.

 

 

Chris, as a Democrat, was trying to be down with the homies, you see. Except that he had no idea what he was doing, or what he was saying.

 

 

Ah well.

 

 

At least he’s not as bad as Rush, or Glenn, or Sean Hannity.

 

 

(Sigh.)


 

Thursday, December 6, 2012

2012 Election Post-Mortem: Why Don't Minorities Vote Republican?

2012_election_minorities


Partner and I often watch “Up with Chris Hayes” on weekend mornings. I find him a bit shrill and wordy, but at least I agree with him and most of his guests. (And, as we all know, we all prefer to listen to people who confirm our beliefs and – gulp! – prejudices.)

 

 

On the morning of November 10, Chris had a very nice gentleman named Avik Roy on his panel. Avik is an American of Indian ancestry, whose expertise is in health care issues, and was described on the show as FORMER ROMNEY CAMPAIGN ADVISOR.

 

 

He was very gentle and reasonable on the show, which was to be expected; his party (and his candidate) had just lost a big election, and he was surrounded by political opponents (mostly raving liberals, like yours truly).

 

 

But he still said some ridiculous things.

 

 

Such as:

 

 

“My mother is a very conservative person: she’s frugal, she believes in self-reliance. She’s a natural Republican. But she insists on voting for Democrats.”

 

 

And: “The Republican Party is about small government, and fiscal conservatism. It’s not about bigotry or racial disenfranchisement.”

 

 

And: “I understand how Mexican immigrants, legal or illegal, must feel in the United States. But I feel more strongly for the people who have tried to enter legally. I think of the Indian school valedictorian who wanted to enter the United States, but who found that he/she wasn’t able to get a visa because of the Obama administration’s policies, and I ask myself if this is really fairness.”

 

 

These are all valid opinions, stated respectfully and intelligently, and I respect all three of them.

 

 

Except that they’re all completely specious.

 

 

#1: “My mother is a very conservative person: she’s frugal, she believes in self-reliance. She’s a natural Republican. But she insists on voting for Democrats.” Kiddo: your mother has dark skin. She has been experiencing American racial prejudice for longer than you have, and in a more intense way. The Democrats are an inclusive party, and welcomes minorities; of course your mother feels more comfortable with them. You, Avik, are younger, and more educated, and have grown up in a more liberal society, and have experienced much less prejudice as a result. Do you get that?

 

 

#2: “The Republican Party is about small government, and fiscal conservatism. It’s not about bigotry or racial disenfranchisement.” The first sentence is more or less true. Sadly, the second sentence is not true. As several other panel members explained to Avik Roy on the show, Nixon’s Southern Strategy was all about using bigotry to get people to vote Republican. At the beginning, it was just a campaign strategy: the Republicans get bigots to vote for the GOP, and once they’re in office, they’ll quietly ignore that section of the electorate. (Nixon was a pretty awful president, and a bigot, but he didn’t legislate bigotry.) Over time, however, the bigots realized they were being snubbed by the GOP, and insisted on representation. So we get terms like “illegals” and “welfare cheats,” and we know that we mean “Hispanics” and “African-Americans.” So, Avik, I’m afraid your party – for many reason – has in fact espoused bigotry as a vote-getting method, and (once in office) tends to legislate that bigotry.

 

 

Worst of all, #3: “I think of the Indian school valedictorian who wanted to enter the United States, but who found that he/she wasn’t able to get a visa because of the Obama administration’s policies, and I ask myself if this is really fairness.” Oh, Avik. Do you think that the average Republican voter, in Mississippi or Wyoming or Arizona, would welcome that Indian school valedictorian in the United States? Certainly not. He’s not white, Avik.  

 

 

Avik, Avik. Go have a chat with your mother. And get a clue.


 

 

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Hobbit

Hobbit-movie-cast-2012-best-movies-ever-martin-freeman


Are we looking forward to Peter Jackson’s filmization of “The Hobbit”? Yes, of course we are.

 

 

I was born into the Lord of the Rings Generation. When I was in the seventh grade I bought “The Two Towers,” not knowing that it was the second book in the trilogy, and not understanding how trilogies worked in any case.  Naturally I didn’t understand a bit of the plot, but I struggled through it anyway. Then one of my teachers, Mister Lorenz, bless him, noticed what was going on, and offered to lend me his copies of “Fellowship of the Ring” and “Return of the King,” so long as I didn’t damage them.

 

 

I was an immediate convert to Tolkienism.

 

 

A summer or two later – around 1970, anyway – I wrote to Ballantine Books, and sent them my $2.00, and received in return a copy of “The Hobbit,” which was described on the cover as “the enchanting prelude to ‘The Lord of the Rings.’”

 


I devoured it in a couple of days.

 

 

Have you ever noticed that “Hobbit” is exactly the same story as “Lord of the Rings”? A hobbit (Bilbo / Frodo) is enticed by Gandalf to leave the Shire with a group of oddball travelers. They encounter problems on the way (trolls, Nazgul, whatever). They get to Rivendell and have a chitchat with Elrond. They cross the Misty Mountains, but not without difficulties (Bilbo with Gollum and the goblins, Frodo in Moria). They pop out the other side and have a little rest (Bilbo and the dwarves with Beorn, Frodo and his companions in Lorien). They cross the river, and get into trouble, and get separated. There are spiders. There’s an ominous mountain. There’s a treasure that needs to be thrown away or given away (the Arkenstone / the Ring). There’s a big climactic battle. “The eagles are coming! The eagles are coming!” A few key people are killed in each battle (Thorin in “Hobbit,” Theoden in “Rings”).

 

 

And then the hobbit goes home to the Shire.

 

 

I’m delighted that Jackson is bringing back some key people: Ian McKellen, the perfect Gandalf, and Hugo Weaving, a grave (if intense) Elrond. (Please note that I love the Elrond that Tolkien gives us in the books; he’s thousands of years old, but he’s also very nice. Hugo Weaving looks irritated all the time, or maybe constipated, which is maybe more likely for someone who’s half-human and thousands of years old.)

 

 

Martin Freeman, like Ian Holm and Elijah Wood, is a perfect hobbit; like them, he’s a little unearthly-looking.

 

 

I hope the movie isn’t too CGI-reliant. “Hobbit” is a children’s book, but this had better not be a children’s movie.

 

 

And I don’t know if this is true, but I hear that Stephen Colbert is in the movie, as an elf. (He’s spoken Elvish on his show more than once, so he’s got the right background.)

 

 

We will see.

 

 

Here’s hoping for the best.


 

 

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

My wife

My_wife


I was out in the lobby at work the other day, talking to Mike the mailman about our recent trip to France. “Did your wife enjoy it too?” he asked.

 

 

 

I saw Chelsea, the student working at the front desk, give a sudden spasmodic jerk of her head as Mike said the word “wife.” She was wondering what I’d say next.

 

 

 

And, after a whirlwind review of my options, I said: “Yes, she enjoyed it very much.”

 

 

 

Okay. You know I’m gay, and that Partner is a man. Here are excerpts from the angel/devil dialogue that whirled through my head in that moment:

 

 

 

-         He’s the mailman. He doesn’t need to know our business.

-         What are you, afraid to come out to the mailman? He’s like three inches shorter than you, and chubby.

-         But it gets tiresome coming out all the time. Sometimes you should just give in and let people assume whatever they like.

-         That’s no way to think. This could be a teachable moment. This could be the tipping point at which Mike the mailman thinks: Hey! Loren’s gay! Gay people are okay!

-         Or not.

-         Are you ashamed of being gay, after all these years? I hope not.

-         But you love being accepted by all these big macho men: all these repairmen and policemen and construction workers and moving men you work with. You need to keep up appearances, don’t you?

-         The parking cops know that you’re gay, and they don’t seem to mind. They bring you Twinkies and Snowballs. And they both used to be prison guards.

-         Well, maybe they’re trying to tell you something with all those Twinkies and Snowballs.

-         Oh, shut up.

 

 

 

 

Anyway: coming out is a very long complicated process.

 

 

 

I’ll let you know once I’ve gone through it completely.

 

 

 

But I can tell you right now that it’s exhausting.


 

 

Monday, December 3, 2012

The one hundred and twenty-three euro bottle of wine

123_euro_bottle_of_wine


I was prowling around in a wine shop in Paris in October, looking at the pretty liqueur bottles, when I heard the proprietor say, “That’ll be 123 euros.”

 

 

 

I was curious to see what cost 123 euros, so I came around, and saw –

 

 

 

A single bottle of wine.

 

 

 

The buyers were an older couple, probably around my age. I’d heard them a few minutes before, asking the proprietor advice on what to buy.

 

 

 

Evidently the proprietor had conned them into buying this gold-plated bottle of nectar. “So,” he said. “This is for dinner tonight, you said? What time?”

 

 

 

“Around seven,” the husband said, a little nervously. “Maybe seven-thirty.”

 

 

 

“It makes a difference,” the proprietor said huffily. “Are you going to drink the whole bottle tonight? You should. It won’t be good tomorrow, if you open it tonight.”

 

 

 

“No, of course not,” the husband said, and he and his wife both giggled nervously, and glanced at me, as if to say: Isn’t this fun?

 

 

 

“All right,” the proprietor said. “I’ll open it right now. You come back in ten or fifteen minutes, and I’ll recork it. If you serve it at seven – or even seven-fifteen – it’ll be just right. No later than that, mind you. All right?”

 

 

 

“All right,” the couple said meekly.

 

 

 

 

And they paid their one-hundred-and-twenty-three euro, and they left.

 

 

 

 

I noticed that the proprietor was in no hurry to decant their wine after they left. He turned and waited on me, and we chatted for a while. (He told me that it was too much trouble, too much micmac, to ship things to the USA, what with the duty fees and the paperwork.)

 

 

 

And, as I left, I glanced back and saw the one hundred and twenty-three euro bottle of wine sitting on the counter, glowing with promise.

 

 

 

I hope it was worth the money. I hope it changed the lives of the people who drank it.

 

 

 

Or at least that it wasn’t as sour as hell.


 

Sunday, December 2, 2012

For Sunday: Billy Joel wants you “Just The Way You Are”

Billy_joel_just_the_way_you_are


Back in the 1970s, this song used to make me cry. I loved the saxophone solo, and I loved the plaintive tone of Billy’s voice. 

 

 

 

Then I learned that he wrote this for his first wife, whom he divorced soon afterward, and that he pretty much hated performing this song.

 

 

 

I don't care. I still love it.

 

 


 

 

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Calvados

Calvados


One of my favorite composers, Erik Satie, was born in Honfleur, a little seaside town in Basse-Normandie. Normans love their seafood, and their apples. From the apples, they make a liqueur called Calvados. Here is some information on Calvados:

 

 

 

 

In Normandy, locals rely on apple brandy as a digestive. Le trou Normand, or the Norman break, is a fiery shot of Calvados right in the middle of the meal. It hits hard and fast, yet is inexplicably effective as a palate-cleanser and appetite stimulant. It’s yet to be determined whether it has as successful an astringent property on one’s palate as it has on one’s wits – but either way, it works.

 

 

 

 

We saw bottles of shockingly expensive Calvados everywhere we went in Normandy. Finally I bought a nice bottle in the duty-free shop at De Gaulle Airport, just as we were leaving the country, for a maidenly sixteen euro.

 

 

 

At a recent gathering of Partner’s family, we opened the bottle and shared the experience.

 

 

 

A few loved it. Partner’s sister Pearl took a tiny sip and poured the rest of her shot into my glass. Partner’s three nephews appeared to enjoy it very much.

 

 

 

As did I.

 

 

 

It’s fiery, but smooth.  It’s not the same as grappa (the Italian apple liqueur) at all. Grappa is thick and hot. Calvados is fierce, but sophisticated.

 

 

 

And, if you close your eyes as you drink it, you can see the apple orchards of Normandy.

 

 

 

Look for it in your local liquor store.