White trash cookery

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I’ve always known that I’m white trash. It’s a simple calculation: I’m one-half early Twentieth Century European immigrant, one-half American mongrel.

And we White Trash folk know what we like to eat.

And it’s nasty.

Here are a few menu ideas:

-         Make a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Or, better yet, store brand. Now add some Velveeta. Or, if you’re really white trash, some Cheese Whiz.

-         You know what’s better than a peanut butter sandwich? A peanut butter sandwich with a slice of bologna on it.

-         Or bananas.

-         Frozen pizza is always better with some ketchup on it.

-         Almost everything is better with crushed potato chips on top.

-         And you know what’s good with everything? Mayonnaise.

But the best recipe of all was given on Saturday Night Live in 1991, when Roseanne Barr portrayed a White Trash mother spontaneously inventing the tuna noodle casserole.

I paraphrase:

“Go next door and borrow some noodles. And then go to the store and get a can of cream of mushroom soup. Don’t get Campbell’s! Get Food Club! It’s cheaper! And I think there’s a can of tuna under my bed. Cook it all together. And don’t forget to save some for me, you little bastard.”

Bon appetit.

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