Good news, first of all: my PET scan results have
come in, and my cancer is confined to the left side of my throat; it hasn’t
spread anywhere else in my body. (My hematologist / oncologist was actually
giggling with excitement when she told me this. I think I love her.) This means that the radiotherapy can be focused very precisely in the
area of the tumor, and I’m not so far along as to be incurable.
It’s barely two weeks
since I learned I have cancer, and I have learned so much!
For example:
·
One of the most effective chemotherapy drugs, cisplatin,
is very dangerous for people (like me) with hearing loss. It can make us lose
our hearing entirely, or cause lifelong tinnitus. I’ll be taking the milder carboplatin instead. (Imagine
having a platinum-based drug infused into your body! I’ll be worth a fortune!)
·
Another, taxol (which I’ll be taking
in low doses) causes hair loss and some neuropathy (mostly numbness and
tingling) in some patients. I’ll be sure to take pictures of myself during the
process, if I become especially shaky and peculiar-looking. You can all have a
good laugh.
·
Radiation to the throat makes the whole area
sore. I won’t be able to drink for the duration; it will sting too much, and
probably also interfere with the various treatments and medications I’ll be
taking. Bugger!
But mostly I have learned that this whole thing is
ridiculous.
I look over my doctors’ scribbed notes and I see things like
“tonsillar cancer.” I have tonsil cancer!
Ridiculous.
Feeding tube? Ridiculous.
No drinking for the duration of the war? Double ridiculous.
And he was right. Most of our fears are really ridiculous.
If I can just keep repeating that particular spell for the next three
months or so, I’ll be just fine.
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