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Showing posts with label north africa. Show all posts
Showing posts with label north africa. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Eat more goat



I have eaten goat three times in my life (so far as I know).


The first time was in Morocco in 1984. I was visiting my friend Dave in Asilah, a lovely town on the northern Atlantic coast, and we decided impulsively to buy some goat meat and cook it.


We had no idea what we were up against. Goats (in Morocco at least) are tough. We cooked it for quite a while, but we still couldn’t eat it; the meat was wrapped around the bones like thick rubber bands. We gnawed on it for a while, but it was too tough for us. I think we threw it out and ate in a restaurant that evening.


The second time was here in Providence, maybe ten years ago. A work friend and I had heard about a good (and authentic) Mexican place on the West Side. Okay. Well, what do you order: something you could make at home, or something interesting?


They had goat on the menu. So I ordered the goat.


It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t wonderful, but it wasn’t bad.


The third time was just the other day. My student employee invited me to lunch at the Jamaican place across the street. They had “curry goat” on the menu. Well, once again: why not order something interesting?


“Curry goat” was delicious, and very tender. There were bits of gristle in it, and odd pieces of bone, but I think (when you’re eating goat) those are the rules of the game. Also, it came with fried plantains, and rice-and-beans, Caribbean style.


I’d order it again.


But oh my God: think of the poor little goat who died for this!



Friday, August 23, 2013

Tired of summer



It’s right around now, in late August, when I become tired of summer.


I am tired of humidity, and heat, and perspiration, and intermittent hot rainstorms. I am tired of this blurry blue / gray sky that doesn’t mean anything – not sun, nor cloud, nor rain. I am tired of feeling filthy and sweaty every day.


It was the same (but different) back in North Africa in the 1980s. There, it was dry from April to October. The temperature (in Kenitra, and Casablanca, and Tunis) wasn’t extreme – not like the Sahara, thank god – but the heat just went on and on. And the dust kept blowing in from the desert. By mid-August, everything was dull and dusty and filthy and too warm.


(Question: why do I keep ending up in warm climates? Why am I not living in Greenland, where I’d be deliriously happy?)


Here in New England, I start hearing crickets and grasshoppers in August, and it gives me some hope. I hear them first thing in the morning when Partner and I leave for work, and although it’s too warm, I take heart. It’s late August, I think. Not much longer until September, and cooler weather.


Autumn is the loveliest season here. It’s long and temperate and pleasant. The trees lose their leaves, slowly, north to south; Vermont and New Hampshire have their foliage season in September, but we don’t see it until early October. And apple season comes in September. (Partner and I passed a pear tree on a nearby street recently with pears that looked pretty much ripe. In August!)


It’s still summer, but autumn is right around the corner.


I can hardly wait.



Thursday, July 18, 2013

For Ramadan: Harira



Ramadan began last week. I have some Muslim friends on Facebook, so I see lots of “Ramadan kareem!” messages going back and forth.


The Islamic months don’t correspond to the seasons as ours do; their year is roughly 354 days long, so Ramadan happens roughly twelve days earlier every year. In 1984, my first year in Morocco, the first day of Ramadan was roughly the first of June. (There was some trouble that year. It’s not officially a new month until the new moon is sighted in Mecca, and the weather was bad that year in Saudi Arabia. Finally, around the third or fourth of June 1984, Ramadan was declared to be officially begun, almost by default.)


Summer is a bad time for Ramadan, and June is the worst of all, because June days are the longest days of the year. Muslims are enjoined to fast from the time in the morning when it’s light enough “to distinguish a black thread from a white thread” to the prayer-call at sunset. “Fasting,” in this sense, means no eating, no drinking water (very devout Muslims won’t swallow when they’re brushing their teeth, and there’s a lot of spitting in the street going on, because swallowing your own spit might qualify as drinking), no sex, no smoking (tragic in a culture like North Africa where everyone smokes).


That first year, in 1984, I tried to fast. I couldn’t do it. I realized, after two or three days, that no one could see me eating during the day if I just closed the window blinds.


Later, in Tunisia, I was more casual. I knew I was a “kouffar” (unbeliever), and so did everyone else, so I closeted myself in my office and smoked and drank water and coffee to my heart’s content. One of my Tunisian coworkers, who’d studied extensively in Europe and who was very worldly, joined me.


Then, a day or two later, someone else joined us.


After about two weeks, the whole office was smoking with me, on and off. It was okay, because they were with an unbeliever, and I was exerting an undue irreligious influence on them.


Ah, kids, those were the days.


There was a restaurant in Tunis not far from our house, which was also not far from the az-Zeituna mosque, one of the most famous mosques in Tunisia. During Ramadan, about fifteen minutes before sunset, we’d go there. They’d seat us and serve us soup.


But no one ate.


We waited for the boy at the mosque to give us the signal that the evening call to prayer was complete.


Then, in unison, we all dipped our spoons into our delicious thick chicken / tomato / chickpea soup, and broke our fast.




advertising
Makes about 12 cups
·         1 whole chicken breast, halved
·         4 cups chicken broth
·         4 cups water
·         a 28-to 32-ounce can whole tomatoes, drained and puréed coarse
·         1/4 teaspoon crumbled saffron threads
·         2 medium onions, chopped fine
·         19-ounce can of chick-peas, rinsed
·         1/2 cup raw long-grain rice
·         1/2 cup lentils
·         3/4 cup finely chopped fresh coriander
·         3/4 cup finely chopped fresh parsley leaves
·         dried chick-peas, picked over water

In a heavy kettle (at least 5 quarts) simmer chicken in broth and water 17 to 20 minutes, or until chicken is just cooked through, and transfer chicken with a slotted spoon to a cutting board. Add to kettle tomatoes, saffron, onions, chick-peas, rice, and lentils and simmer, covered, 30 minutes, or until lentils are tender. Shred chicken, discarding skin and bones, and stir into soup with salt and pepper to taste. Soup may be prepared 4 days ahead (cool uncovered before chilling covered).



I find this recipe incomplete. It needs ras al-hanout, the traditional North African seasoning (you can buy it online, or make it yourself from regular ol’ supermarket seasonings), and some eggs (Ramadan harira usually has pieces of hard-boiled egg in it).


Also: if you make this soup, serve it with lots of Italian or French bread, for scooping and dipping.


And if you don’t feel like cooking soup the long way, especially during this long dismally hot summer, I’ve discovered that Campbell’s makes some very nice soups in plastic bags, which are pretty authentic. Their “Moroccan Chicken with Chickpeas” is a very passable Moroccan shorba, verging on harira.


Pinch a penny and spend a couple of bucks and buy a packet of it, and enjoy it.


With some Italian bread, and a lemon wedge to squeeze into it.


Ramadan kareem.



Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Sardines for dinner!




I believe that, if you crave something, you should eat it. Your body is wiser than you are, and if it’s asking for a particular kind of food, probably you should give it the food it’s asking for.


I crave sardines sometimes. I started eating them in Morocco in the 1980s, because they were cheap and didn’t need cooking and were good with fresh bread. Also, the Atlantic waters off the Moroccan coast are rich with sardines (or they were in those days).


I learned then that sardines are not always four inches long and are not born in little metal cans. The best sardines are seven or eight inches long, and are wonderful when you grill them. The Moroccan fishermen kept all the best and biggest sardines, and we ate them with pleasure in Moroccan bars and restaurants. The rest were shipped to canneries.


But even small canned sardines are tasty.


In Morocco, you could buy sardines canned with preserved carrots, and peppers, and tomatoes, and anything you might wish. They were all delicious. Here in the USA, you can buy them in oil, or with hot sauce, or with mustard.


They are pungent, of course. The house smells of sardines for a few hours after I eat them. And you really shouldn’t heat them up, because they stink like holy hell if you do that.




They have a bad reputation, I think, those dusty little cans sitting in the back of the cupboard.


Get those little cans out of the cupboard and open them and have a feast.


Live a little.


Monday, April 15, 2013

Horsemeat

Horsemeat


There’s been a recent scare in Europe over the use of horsemeat in prepared foods. It showed up in one country after another (evidently a processing plant in Romania was providing the horseflesh).

 


Then, most shockingly, it was in some of the stuff sold in Ikea.

 


Ikea! Nice sweet friendly Ikea!

 


It’s nothing to me. I’ve eaten horsemeat knowingly. There was a cunning little butchershop in Morocco with a nice painting of a racehorse over the door; it took me a while to figure out what that meant, but I got it after a while. Then I realized that the Belgian lady who owned the snack shop downtown was using horsemeat in her hamburgers. (It turns out that horsemeat has a pleasant flavor, sweeter than beef, and doesn’t change color very much when it’s cooked, so it still looks a little raw when you eat it.) I used to take American friends there, just to see how they’d react. Most didn’t notice a thing. One friend sent his burger back, because he thought it was underdone, and couldn’t understand why the meat was still pinkish. I never had the heart to tell him.

 

 

It’s all cultural. I had rabbit and frog in France last October, because how often do you see them on the menu in the United States? The rabbit was delicious; the frog was a little muddy and fishy. I love squid (which is much more palatable as “calamari”), but still struggle a little with octopus, which has a very strong smell and taste. I had paella a long time ago in San Juan, Puerto Rico, and found a tiny starfish in the rice, and wasn’t sure if it was for decoration or meant to be eaten. (I didn’t eat it. Even I have my limits.) I love sushi, and one of my favorites is unagi, which is eel with plum sauce. Eel! Horrible slimy snaky eel!

 

 

Herewith one of my favorite I’ll-never-make-this recipes:

 

 

Stewed Dog (to be served over rice)

3 kg dog meat*
1 1/2 cups vinegar
60 peppercorns, crushed
6 tablespoons salt
12 cloves garlic, crushed
1/2 cup oil
6 cups onion, sliced
3 cups tomato sauce
10 cups water
6 cups red pepper, cut into strips
6 pieces bay leaf
1 teaspoon tabasco sauce
1 1/2 cups liver spread**
1 whole fresh pineapple, cut ½” thick

1. First, kill a medium sized dog, then burn off the fur over a hot fire.

2. Carefully remove the skin while still warm and set aside for later (may be used in other recpies)

3. Cut meat into 1″ cubes. Marinate meat in mixture of vinegar, peppercorn, salt and garlic for 2 hours.

4. Fry meat in oil using a large wok over an open fire, then add onions and chopped pineapple and saute until tender.

5. Pour in tomato sauce and boiling water, add green pepper, bay leaf and tabasco.

6. Cover and simmer over warm coals until meat is tender. Blend in liver spread and cook for additional 5-7 minutes.

* You can substitute lamb for dog. The taste is similar, but not as pungent.
** Smooth liver pate will do as well.

 



 

 

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Cats

Teeth2


Sometimes, when I walk home the long way, I meet a little black cat on East Manning Street, about a block and a half away from my house.

 

 

She invariably comes running to meet me. We have a little routine: I point at her, and she immediately rolls on the ground very submissively.

 

 

I don’t know if the little black cat does this trick for everyone, but she certainly does it for me. I choose to believe that Little Black Cat is the first recruit for my Unholy Army of the Night, and she will do whatever I say. (Well, she rolls over for me, doesn’t she?)

 

 

(Of course, this usually happens in warm weather, and the warm pavement probably feels good to roll on, when you’re a little black cat.)

 

 

I used to have cats in Tunisia. My housemate Catriona and I inherited a strange little cat named Nimmer (Arabic for “tiger”), who went feral every winter and came home every spring. Then there were all of the street / alley cats who used to come in to share Nimmer’s food. (I gave Nimmer sardines. I love sardines, and so did he. And so did all of the other cats.)

 

 

Nimmer used to wait until I lay down to read a book, then crawl on top of me and breathe sardine breath into my face. Also he had all of his claws, and he used them when he climbed on top of me.

 

 

But cats are cats. In North Africa, they’re allowed to run wild, to keep the rat/mouse population at bay. It’s not considered a good idea to feed them, as they’ll get lazy and stop killing rats and mice.

 

 

Here in the USA, they’re friendly and decorative.

 

 

(But, like the little black cat down the street, they can still be part of my Unholy Army of the Night.)


 

Monday, September 24, 2012

The recent unrest in the Muslim world

Recent_unrest


You almost certainly know about the recent unrest in the Muslim world, and the riots, and the death of the American ambassador to Libya.

 

 

I subscribe to a Tunisian news service – one of those things that just gives you the headline and the first sentence – and, last Thursday, it was “Le film qui tue!” (Translation: “The killer movie!”)

 

 

Oh no, I thought.

 

 

You see, this whole manifestation in the Arab world was brought about – supposedly – by the release of a movie mocking the Prophet Mohammed. This movie was – supposedly – made by a Jewish American.

 

 

Except that the movies was probably never made as such, and the man behind the project was an Israel-hating Egyptian Copt, who is (apparently) living in the USA.

 

 

More than that, though; the idea that the movie was the impetus behind the killing irritated me. Aristotle teaches us that, while guns may be the material causes of death, the real causes are the people who pull the trigger.

 

 

But then I read the article in webdo.tn.

 

 

I was much reassured. True to my experience of Tunisia and Tunisians – thoughtful and intelligent – the author weighed the tension behind Islamists (who are spoiling for a fight with the West) and Islamophobes (who would like to spark a fight, and then create as much havoc as possible).

 

 

Both are to blame for the general situation.

 

 

Chris Stevens’s death is certainly the fault of the Islamists. I wonder if the simultaneity of the riots in the Muslim world has been very carefully planned (you’ll notice that it took place in September, not long after the commemoration of 9/11).

 

 

And the Egyptian / Copt / American provocateur, who produced the “movie,” also appears to have known what he was doing, provoking Muslim reaction at a very key time.

 

 

Partner and I are going to France in a few weeks. France (and especially Paris) is inhabited by a lot of North African Muslims.

 

 

We will let you know what we find out.


 

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Turkish toilet

Nile-pans-pic


Ah, my dears.  If you have never visited the Third World, you will probably never have seen a Turkish toilet.

 

 

It is just a hole in the ground, with two ceramic footholds on either side.  You plant your feet on either side of the hole, and you squat, and –

 

 

Ahem.

 

 

It is, for an average American, difficult to welcome something like this into one’s daily life.  It took me a while, god knows.  But the body is very insistent about its own needs, and one does what one has to do.

 

 

At a Halloween party in Tunisia in 1985, a friend of mine dressed as a Turkish toilet.  She put a big piece of cardboard around her neck, and glued a pair of flip-flops to it, one on each side of her head.  See, her head was sticking out of the hole –

 

 

Ew.

 

 

I was lucky in both Morocco and Tunisia; my apartments in both had regular Western-style toilets.  Nevertheless, one had to use Turkish toilets from time to time, in public places.  One got used to them.  One thought noble thoughts and did what one had to do.

 

Ew.

 

 

Once, in Morocco, I was attending a training session in a big old-fashioned school that didn’t have Western amenities.  It was a warm afternoon, and I was going back to my room for something.  Walking down the hall, I encountered a kitty-cat –

 

 

It wasn’t a kitty-cat.  It had a long hairless tail.  It was a rat.

 

 

It ran away from me.  Don’t ask me why, but I ran after it.  It ran straight into the bathroom, and I ran after it –

 

 

The last I saw of it, it was diving down the hole in one of the Turkish toilets.

 

 

Now: imagine how much I enjoyed using Turkish toilets after seeing something like that.

 

 

The only upside of this was telling people about it, and watching their faces, and knowing how they were going to feel whenever they used a Turkish toilet in future.


 

 

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Rose Macaulay's "The Towers of Trebizond"

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While I was living in Morocco in the 1980s, I fell in with a bunch of British people.  They were a very close-knit group, funny and intelligent and shockingly well-read.  I, who thought myself all of the above, was very outclassed.  But they were all very kind to me, and housed me from time to time as needed, and lent me books, and were generally good to me.

 

 

One (whose name was the same as a great seventeenth-century British biographer and antiquarian – something I was too stupid to realize at the time, as it certainly meant that he was descended from the man, or at least related to him) was an elderly man who’d served in the British Foreign Service for decades.  His first name was John.  He was living in mellow retirement in North Africa with his much younger (and very handsome) Senegalese lover / companion.  John was very serene, and very happy.

 

 

(I’m sure John and his British friends were all quietly amused by the fact that I didn’t recognize his family name. Well, ha ha, I figured it out eventually, thirty years later, didn’t I?)

 

 

One evening at dinner, I accidentally quoted Jane Austen (“I do not cough for my own amusement”).  It was enough to catch John’s attention, and we began to talk.  He talked about Olivia Manning, whom he had worked with, and whom he had not liked (“We knew she was always noting things down, writing about us”).  A few years ago, finally, I bought the NYRB edition of Manning’s “Balkan Trilogy,” and I still have John’s quiet words ringing in my ears, and I still have not read it completely, because I keep thinking: “John said she was a bitch.”

 

 

On another occasion, he said: “Have you read Rose Macauley?  Peculiar woman. You must read ‘Towers of Trebizond.’”

 

 

I made a mental note of it.

 

 

Years – decades! – later (I’m sure John has passed away by now, god bless him), I finally read Rose Macauley’s “Towers of Trebizond.”

 

 

Oh my dears.  Read it.  It is lovely.

 

 

It is about a youngish middle-aged woman who goes with her Aunt Dot and a priggish Anglican clergyman for a tour of the Black Sea coast of Turkey in the 1950s.  Aunt Dot has a camel, which becomes a very important character in the novel. (“Take my camel, dear,” is the first line of the novel.)  Within not too many pages, Aunt Dot and the clergyman have bolted over the Turkey/Russia border to convert the Communist heathen.  Our narrator is left behind in Turkey to ruminate, and travel, and consider what might happen next. 

 

 

This novel is funny, and sad, and has the most astoundingly shocking ending of any novel I’ve ever read.

 

 

John was right.  This is an essential novel.

 

 

Don’t make my mistake. Don’t wait to read it.  It is too funny, and too lovely, and too sad.

 

 

John and I and Rose will love you for it.

 


 

Friday, November 4, 2011

War in the Sahara

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 Upon arriving in Morocco in 1984, I tried to educate myself in the history of the country.  Being pretty simple-minded, I bought a French-language graphic novel (obviously intended for children) called “Once Upon A Time: King Hassan II.”  It was the life-story of the then king of Morocco, Hassan II, beginning with a short history of modern Morocco and continuing with his saintly father Mohammed V, Hassan's own accession to the throne, various assassination attempts (great for a children's book, eh?), and something called “The Green March.”

 

 

Never heard of it?

 

 

Well, Spain used to own a big chunk of the Sahara south of Morocco.  It pulled out in the 1970s, leaving pretty much nothing behind.  The neighboring countries – Morocco, Algeria, Mauretania – all squabbled over it.  The meager local population – Bedouins and Berbers – sort of wanted to be independent (which is to say they mostly wanted to be left alone).

 

 

Hassan II marched a bunch of Moroccans (not military, just ordinary folks) into the area, to establish that the former Spanish Sahara had always been and was now and forever part of Morocco.

 

 

As you can imagine, a war broke out.  It was never a very hot war, but it flickered on and off for many years.  (It still flickers.)  Algeria and Mauretania were of course delighted to help the Sahroui rebels (who united under the name “Polisario”).  Hassan had a nasty little war on his hands – and, if you accept that the Western Sahara was part of Morocco, it was a civil war.

 

 

Kenitra, where I lived in 1984 and 1985, is in northern Morocco, and is the home of a very large air-force base.  One morning in summer 1984, I woke to feel the whole house trembling.  I looked out the window to see whole squadrons of planes flying south.

 

 

Later that day, I went to Casablanca by train to visit some American friends.  “We went to Fez the other day on the train,” they said, “but we were delayed for more than an hour, because a bunch of troop trains were in our way.”

 

 

A few days after that, I was reading the International Herald Tribune when I saw the following item: “Massive rebel offensive in the Western Sahara.”

 

 

Well, no kidding!

 

 

We heard later that the news of the rebel offensive arrived in Rabat while the king was playing golf.  His servants were under orders not to disturb the king during a game, so the military attache was hopping up and down at the edge of the course while the king finished his eighteen holes.

 

 

One of my Peace Corps friends was at the time assigned to a town in the deep south, close to the Sahroui border, in a town called Tan Tan.  According to him, it was dismal: dry, forlorn, desolate.  (He described a man whipping a poor forlorn donkey to death in the street.)  Finally my friend left town with a crazy American paramilitary, who, as his guardian angel, probably saved his life, because the Polisario pretty much flattened Tan Tan shortly afterward.

 

 

I got to know the paramilitary guy after that.  He was pretty amazing.  The front license plate on his car was completely illegible, because driving at 90mph through the Moroccan desert had erased it.  He was also very nice.

 

 

And he saved my Peace Corps friend's life, I think.

 

 

So, kids: did you know about this war?

 

 

And, if not, what does this tell you about the American educational system, and the American media?

 

 

I'm just sayin'.

 

 

Start watching BBC, if you know what’s good for you.  There’s a whole big fractious world out there that you don’t know the half of.

 

 

Monday, July 25, 2011

Produce in season

Gs-018_fruit_market


Walking through the produce department in Eastside Marketplace the other evening was a delight.

 

 

It smelled like a country garden at dawn. Strawberries. Cherries. The warm musty smell of ripe tomatoes-on-the-vine.

 

 

These are the pleasures of “produce in season.”

 

 

I remember the Marche Central in Tunis, where we only got stuff in season. Of course, when you're in North Africa, seasons are longer, but you learn to appreciate what you've got, while you have it. Bananas we had maybe three days a year, when a shipment arrived from the Ivory Coast, and they were precious. (I remember walking down the street in Tunis after living there for a couple of years, and seeing a banana peel! And suddenly breaking into a sprint, running to the market, to see if there were any bananas left!)

 

 

And delicate morels, and sweet fresh reddish figs, and little soft pears that tasted like candy . . .

 

 

Sigh.

 

 

I saw a woman the other evening at Eastside Marketplace pick up a honeydew melon in one meaty claw and holler at a produce guy: “How can you tell if this thing is any good?”

 

 

I wanted to say: Smell it, you idiot!

 

 

 

You see how disconnected people have become with nature? She thought a melon was like a box of cereal, and had a “best by” date printed on it.

 

 

It never occurred to her that she was holding a big greenish seed-pod in her hand, bred to be big and juicy and fragrant . . .

 

 

Ah.

 

 

Coming soon: canteloupe!

 


 

Monday, July 18, 2011

North African food: Chakchouka

Chak


Writing about North African food a few weeks ago made me hungry.

 

 

So I made chakchouka. And it was delicious.

 

 

Here's my speeded-up American version of the Tunisian recipe:

 

 

  • Heat a tablespoon of olive oil in a saute pan.

  • Add chopped sweet peppers, onion, tomato, etc.: about two or three cups' worth. Also some garlic. Also some salt and pepper. Also something hot: a can of chopped green chilies, a finely diced jalapeno pepper, or (if you have some) a teaspoon of Tunisian harissa. (Actually, Partner and I have been using Ro-Tel tomatoes lately, and I have to say that they're pretty good, so you could add a can of those.)  Lacking any of the above, add a tablespoon or so of goyishe hot sauce.

  • Saute the above for about five minutes, until the onions are translucent.

  • Add about a cup of storebought marinara sauce, or a small can of tomato sauce, and allow to cook for about another five minutes.

  • Now: carefully break three eggs into the simmering sauce. Don't mix them in; just let them insinuate themselves into the mixture.

  • Reduce the heat, cover, and let the eggs poach in the vegetable/sauce mixture for about ten minutes. Check from time to time for over/undercooking. Spoon a little of the sauce onto the eggs. Try not to break the yolks, but it's okay if you do.

  • Prepare and eat a green salad while you're waiting for the eggs to poach. (This is a very civilized recipe; it allows you to dine while cooking.)

  • When the eggs are cooked, serve your chakchouka piping hot, with a fresh loaf of French or Italian bread for dunking.  (In North Africa, the bread is actually the eating utensil.)

     

 

See how nice?

 


 

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Sending back the plate

Toebiter_fastfood_thailand

One is always wary of sending one’s plate back to the kichen in a restaurant. One does not know which of the waiter's bodily fluids might be on said plate upon its return.


The first time Partner and I went out for dinner, in 1995, we went to a nice restaurant in downtown Providence. I ordered fish. When it arrived at the table, it was burnt on one side and frozen on the other. I wanted to make a good impression on Partner, so I pretended it was fine, and I ate it.  It was horrible, but I lived through it, and it was the beginning of a beautiful relationship.


In Tunis in the mid-1980s, I used to go to a hole-in-the-wall restaurant on the Rue de la Casbah which was incredibly cheap and (usually) pretty reliable. One evening I was reading the paper and having my usual kamounia when I realized there were little black objects in the sauce. I poked at them with my fork, and isolated them on the side of the plate, and yes, children, they were weevils.


I separated them from the sauce, and put them on the side of the plate, and kept eating.  I was awfully tough-minded in those days.


On the lighter side:


My friend Gio was a terrible hypochondriac – the type who, upon hearing of a medical condition, immediately diagnoses himself with it. He'd decided at some point that he was allergic to corn. Now, you and I know that there is corn in everything. Presumably, so did Gio. But it gave him a chance to interrogate every waiter in Rhode Island and southeastern Massachusetts on the ingredients in everything he ordered.


While I squirmed.


One day, in Gregg's on North Main (a Rhode Island institution!), he piped up with, “Hey, they have corn chowder!”


I was surprised. “I thought you were allergic to corn," I said.


“I am,” he said. “But I love corn chowder.”


I am very perverse sometimes. “I’m sure the corn chowder doesn’t have any corn in it,” I said. “It’s just a name.”


“Are you sure?” he said doubtfully.


“Absolutely,” I said.


And I sat and watched him swill down a bowl of corn chowder. I was very pleased with myself. And, just so you know that I am not a murderer, he had absolutely no allergic reaction at all.


If there is a Last Judgement, I will be called to account for this.


But I will say smoothly to Our Lord: “It was worth it, just for the satisfaction of knowing I was right.  Also, for the laughs.”



Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The places where revolutions begin

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The Stonewall Inn is nothin', really. Partner and I were on Christopher Street in Manhattan a few years ago when we suddenly realized we were right in front of it. There were some tacky signs in front, and the usual gay-bar postings – bands, drink specials – but there was nothing distinctive about it.

 

 

On June 28, 1969, a couple of weeks before the first moon landing, the police raided the place, as they used to do periodically. The regulars were sick and tired of being raided, and fought back. The protests went on for several days. Then they spread. Activist groups sprang up.

 

 

It was, as Malcolm Gladwell might say, a “tipping point.”

 

 

I've been following Tunisian politics lately, as I lived in Tunisia for two years, and I still have friends there. The Tunisian revolution which happened very suddenly this year found its tipping point in a smallish town called Sidi Bouzid. A young vegetable vendor was harassed by a member of the police, who insulted him, slapped him, and confiscated his wares.

 

 

So he set fire to himself.

 

 

Within weeks, the country was (metaphorically) on fire too.

 

 

As revolutions go, the Tunisian revolution was pretty brisk and effective. There was violence, but only on a small scale. The government collapsed in short order. The replacement government (which was quite obviously the old government in disguise) got laughed off the stage within weeks.

 

 

I was recently chatting online with a Tunisian friend, in the usual mix of English / French / Arabic. He speaks very proudly of “la nouvelle Tunisie,” the new Tunisia.  There are still problems - he didn't hide that - but he's happy.  No, actually, I would say that he's exhilarated.

 

 

And wouldn't you be?

 

 

And, as I write this, the United Nations has just endorsed a resolution confirming gay rights.

 

 

And the state of New York (holla, Cuomo and Bloomberg!) has just legalized gay marriage.

 

 

And it all begins in a small town in Tunisia.

 

 

Or in a seedy bar in downtown Manhattan.

 

 

Revolutions start in the damndest places.

 


 

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

North African food

Couscous-stew


When I first arrived in Morocco in 1984, the Peace Corps nurse spoke to us about health issues. “You won't need to worry about the food,” she said. “Believe me. You will eat well.”

 

 

She wasn't kidding. In Morocco and Tunisia, we ate spectacularly. Bread and cheese and fish from the corner store were always fresh and delicious. Fruit and vegetables were always local and beautiful. Local places always had roasted kebabs and fresh bread. Tajine, and couscous, and salade mechouia, and brik, and chakchouka. Harira, the magnificently thick aromatic soup with which one breaks one's Ramadan fast.

 

 

There was also the wacky stuff. I have written elsewhere of my adventures with kamounia, a dish which can be made with just about any organ meat (usually liver or kidneys, but which, one memorable day, came with a sheep testicle riding on top). Ojja, the delicious Tunisian dish with tomatoes and hot peppers and eggs and sheep's brains. Osbene, the North African version of haggis: guts and vegetables, stuffed into guts, then baked.

 

 

(There are gray areas, of course. There is a Tunisian dish called meloukhia, prepared with meat and olive oil and dried powdered jute leaves. It ends up looking like chunks of sponge rubber marinated in motor oil. It smells like death. And some people love it.)

 

 

One day in 1986, a friend with US Embassy commissary privileges bought us a whole bunch of food – American food! packaged and boxed and canned! - and we had a feast.

 

 

And we were all sick for three days. Utterly miserable.

 

 

After several years of pure food, we'd eaten (in a single meal) huge doses of preservatives, and additives, and pesticides, and hormones, and chemicals.

 

 

Kids: you think foreigners eat strange things? Read the side of your Cap'n Crunch box sometime. The entire periodic table is in there.

 

 

And now I've gone and made myself hungry for guts and brains.


 

 

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Tophet

800px-karthago_tophet_2


When I moved to Tunisia, I stayed for a few weeks with an American couple who lived out on the Bay of Tunis, in Carthage.

 

 

You know I'm a history/folklore nerd. So of course my eyes were spinning in my head. I had an old National Geographic image in my head of a Roman soldier and a Carthaginian soldier fighting sword to sword, with the city burning in the background, and Cato screaming Carthago delenda est!

 

 

Nowadays Carthage is a gentle archipelago of suburbs curving north and west of Tunis. A commuter train, the TGM, runs up and down among the communities on the way. I remember riding the train and seeing the Bay of Tunis littered with dirty-pink flamingoes, beautiful from a distance but filthy-looking close up.

 

 

I ended up living in the Tunis medina, which is a story in itself. But I had a copy of the Guide Bleu, the French travel guide, which listed every ruin in Carthage. And I had time on my hands.

 

 

So, over a period of months, I visited every single ruin in Carthage.

 

 

There are the remains of third-century Christian churches. There is the Altar of Saint Monica – just some stones in a cow-pasture, it took me forever to find them – where Monica prayed for her son Augustine before his departure for Rome. There are the spectacular (and largely restored) Baths of Antoninus. There is the Byrsa, where Queen Dido/Elissa measured out her kingdom with an oxhide. There is the nineteenth-century Cathedral of Saint Louis, on a hilltop, with a lovely view, perfect for a picnic.

 

 

And there is the Tophet.

 

 

I first encountered the word in a Kipling poem, and didn't know what it meant, although the context was grim. The Tophet in Carthage is a small field behind a gas-station, or it was in the mid-1980s. It is full of small stones, and a flat dark foundation.

 

 

This (according to history and legend) was where the Carthaginian god Moloch demanded that children be thrown into the sacrificial fire.

 

 

We are on debatable territory here. According to the Romans, the Carthaginians flung their infant children into the flames here, to satisfy Moloch. To make it worse (how can this be worse?), rich families bought children from poor families and sacrificed them, to avoid sacrificing their own.

 

 

Well, the winners always portray the losers as nastily as they can.

 

 

But the caretaker at the Tophet (after we gave him a small tip) showed us his collection of dozens of small clay jars, with the skeleton of an infant in each one.

 

 

Horrible, horrible.

 

 

Please tell me we've changed, and that human beings would never ever do such a vile thing again.

 

 

Although, frankly, I don't believe it. We're just as vile and stupid as they were. We'd do it again, if the situation arose, and we believed it fervently enough.

 

 

As Seinfeld said: “I hate people. They're the worst.”

 


 

 

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Smoking

Koutoubia_design_1_l_20_s_morocco


Both my parents smoked. My father smoked almost right up to the time he died of lung cancer. My mother quit in the 1960s, but she had a ferocious Sen-Sen / Life Savers habit for the rest of her life.

 

 

As a kid I used to sit in the front seat of the car, between my father in the driver's seat and my mother on the other side. They both blew smoke in my face. I stared straight ahead into the overflowing ashtray and the cigarette lighter (both of which sort of fascinated me).

 

 

Despite all this, I never had any desire to smoke, until my boss and his wife took me to a Red Sox game at Fenway Park back in the early 1980s. Someone outside the park was giving away free packs of Lucky Strikes (get it? strike? baseball?). I took a pack home with me and put it in a drawer.  I smoked one finally, but I didn't much care for it. Then I tried some of those noxious “Black & Mild” cigarillos that taste like the tobacco equivalent of flavored vodka.

 

 

Obviously, as you can tell, it was preying on my mind.

 

 

Soon after, in the Peace Corps, I discovered that everyone in North Africa smoked all the time.


 

I was up to two packs a day in no time. In Morocco, I smoked Koutoubia cigarettes. When I moved to Tunisia, I discovered Vingt-Mars cigarettes. Also Cristal. Also Koaqib, which tasted great, but made me cough like a TB patient. (I found out later they had snuff in them, which evidently liquefies when you smoke it, and oozes through your lungs like asphalt.)

 

 

And why?  Because it was calming.  Because it was a little moment of relaxation during the day.  Because the smoke was strangely soothing.  

 

 

I came back to the USA in 1987, still smoking two packs a day (now Benson & Hedges 100s Lights). This went on for another ten years.

 

 

Did I mention that my father died of lung cancer? Also my uncle Claude? Also a couple of other relatives?

 

 

I knew I stank of smoke. I knew that I was a fire hazard. I didn't much care. (Smokers don't really care. It's a strange state of mind.) But I'd made a promise to myself: I'd quit by the time I was forty.

 

 

In 1998, my forty-first year, I actually quit.

 

 

Even now, thirteen years later, I still dream about it. The dreams are strange: I find myself lighting a cigarette, and thinking: Oh no! If I smoke I'm hooked again! And I do, and I'm very disappointed with myself.

 

 

How very peculiar addiction is.

 

 

But I have a vivid memory of leaving the house on a lovely warm Tunis morning, and feeling the fresh air in my face, and lighting the first cigarette of the day.

 

 

And it was wonderful.

 


 

 

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Cultural blunders: international edition

American_1288620362


While I was living overseas, I tried very hard not to offend my Tunisian and Moroccan friends and acquaintances. I think I mostly succeeded.

 

 

My cultural blunders, however, provided my friends with lots of innocent merriment.

 

 

For example:

 

 

  • While in Tunisia, I bought a cunning little satchel to carry my books, papers, cigarettes, etc., back and forth from home to the office. Finally one day, my friend and coworker Halim rolled his eyes at me. “I've been meaning to tell you,” he said in his unnervingly perfect David Niven-style English. “That's a school bag. It's like something a ten-year-old would carry.”

  • I was always anxious to improve my Arabic. Sometimes I did this by copying the pronunciations I heard in the office. I noticed that a lot of the women in the office said “good morning” in Arabic in a very particular way, with a sort of sigh, eliding the final consonants. I figured it was the local accent, and started copying this, thinking that it made me sound sophisticated. Halim again, after a few days of this: “Please stop saying it that way. You sound like a woman.”

  • When I left Tunisia, an American friend gave me a lovely white-linen scarf from Djerba as a going-away gift. I still have it. It has blue stripes and long fringe at either ends. I wore it a lot after I got back to the United States, until one of my bosses at Brown asked me in a strained voice if I was aware I was wearing a Jewish prayer shawl.

 

 

But sometimes there was sweet revenge.

 

 

One day in 1985, my American housemate Kathy came back from a trip to the United States with a big jar of pickled jalapenos. We were eating them right out of the jar. A Tunisian friend (whom I won't name, in case he reads this, but he knows who he is) scoffed at these American “hot peppers.” He'd seen me choking and wheezing on lethally hot Tunisian red peppers often enough, and reasoned that he was a lot tougher than I was. So he scooped a jalapeno out of the jar, just as he'd seen us do, and put it in his mouth, and -

 

 

Oh, my dears, it was spectacular. I expected cartoon flames to come out of his ears. He was literally crying, running around the house, flapping his hands.

 

 

It turns out that there are “hot peppers” and “other kinds of hot peppers.”

 

 

Isn't multiculturalism fun?

 


 

 

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Djerba


Djerba is a big molar-shaped island lying off the southern coast of Tunisia, near the Libyan border. It is flat, flat, flat. It is littered with palm trees and resort hotels. The first time I went there, a friend and I flew down from Tunis together (we pretended to be married so we could get cheap tickets, and I hope someone at Tunisair is reading this, ha ha we fooled you!). We arrived at night and took a cab from the airport to the hotel, under a full moon, with those perfectly-spaced palm trees whisking silently by, and I thought: this is one of the most perfectly beautiful things I will ever see in my life.

 

 

The beach was very nice. We loved especially watching the Germans go splooshing into the water in the nude. It was wintertime, and the Mediterranean (while warmer than, say, Lake Michigan) is cold that time of year, so the Germans were pretty blue and shriveled when they came out of the water. But they always pretended they were enjoying it. Who knows? Maybe they were.

 

 

I had learned most of my meager Arabic in Morocco. All my Tunisian friends mocked my Moroccan vocabulary and accent, so I generally stuck to French. I was delighted to discover that Djerban Arabic was very similar to Moroccan Arabic, and – for the first time in Tunisia – I was more fluent than any of my acquaintances. I had long conversations with everyone, storekeepers and hoteliers and cabdrivers, and I was able to haggle like a tiger, yelling and waving my hands in the air, instead of whispering and simpering as I usually did.

 

 

There is a beautiful delicate old synagogue in Houmt-Souk, the island's main city. It's said to be the oldest synagogue in the world, and its Torah is one of the oldest in the world too. The building is plain on the outside but full of curvaceous intricate blue woodwork on the inside. For a few dollars, the Old Testament caretaker tottered over and brought the old Torah out for us to see.

 

 

In 2002, al-Qaeda blew up a truck outside the synagogue, killing several dozen people, mostly tourists.

 

 

But the old delicate synagogue still stands.

 

 

I hope I can visit it again someday.


 

And I hope it lasts another thousand years.