When I was a kid, there was a recurring joke on the old Jay Ward cartoon shows. Someone would invoke the name of an old forgotten celebrity, and everyone would react with incredulity and amazement. It was a combination of “Who the hell are you talking about?” and “Why the hell are you talking about him?”
The name was Sonny Tufts.
Here’s the story (paraphrased):
Radio show, early 1940s. An established movie star is finishing up his run as the announcer on a dramatic series. He doesn’t know who his replacement is; he’s just doing a cold reading of the script he’s been handed. It goes something like this:
“Thank you for tuning in tonight. This is my last broadcast, and I have been glad to spend time with you every Sunday evening. Tune in next week, when your new announcer will be – “
(Long pause. Now, in a voice of total amazement:)
“ - Sonny Tufts?”
I do not need to tell you that this never really happened. This story came from the same bizarre fantasy world that spawned the Uncle Don story, and the Bozo no-no story, and the day Julia Child dropped the turkey on the floor.
But no matter. Sonny Tufts became a byword. You couldn’t say his name without everyone in the room chorusing, in mock disbelief, “Sonny Tufts?”
Sonny was an actor. He was pretty cute, actually. His body of work, however, is scanty. You may peruse it at IMDB, and I will bake you a batch of brownies if you have ever seen any of this movies (with the exception of “The Seven Year Itch,” and quite frankly I don’t think of that movie as a star vehicle for Sonny Tufts).
Then, of course, there were Sonny’s personal eccentricities. Here is a summary, taken from snopes.com:
- 1948: Actor Edward Troy fractured his knee while “riding piggyback on Movie Star Sonny Tufts” at an Arizona resort motel.
- 1950: Sonny and three companions were arrested for public drunkenness after Los Angeles police spotted them “tight-rope walking” down the white line in the center of a busy street.
- 1951: Sonny’s wife sued him for separate maintenance, claiming that he had been jobless for over a year and was “dissipating their community property” on alcohol and luxurious living.
- Also 1951: Sonny and Hawaiian actress Luukiana Kaeola (of whom I can find no trace in IMDB, or Google for that matter) were arrested as “transient drunks” after arguing with a night-club cook over an unpaid bill for $4.55 worth of fried chicken.
- 1954 (this is my favorite): Sonny was sued by two female dancers who claimed he had bitten both of them on the thighs. In separate incidents.
- 1955: Sonny was sued by a 22-year old woman who claimed he had approached her in a restaurant, “mauled her, then pinched her so hard she screamed.”
- And finally, 1957, the year of my birth: Sonny and a female companion were jailed for public drunkenness after the two of them collapsed in a heap on the Sunset Strip. Sonny managed to get a cut above his left eye in this incident.
Ahem.
There’s a great lyric in the Kinks’ song “Can’t Stop The Music”: “Let’s all raise a glass / To the rock stars of the past: / Those who made it, those who faded, / Those who never even made the grade, / And those that we thought would never last.”
Sonny definitely never made the grade. He devolved into a walking joke. And yet: here we are, talking about him, reminiscing about that warm evening in 1948 when he took Edward Troy for a piggyback ride in Arizona.
There are worse kinds of immortality.
To your health, Sonny.
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