On the Internet we learn by doing. I have detailed my experiences with Facebook elsewhere; in brief, Facebook and I maintain a casual friendship with occasional benefits, kind of like Jerry and Elaine on “Seinfeld.”
Twitter, however, is different. I have to say that I don't think I quite understand what Twitter is good for.
Or maybe I do understand, and I just don't like it very much.
I got into Twitter around the same time I got into Facebook, and in much the same way. When I signed up for my account, the little blue birdie told me cheerily to “find some people I know!”, or words to that effect. Stupid me: I thought the birdie meant “friends.” None of my friends was on Twitter at that point (I have the social life of Simeon Stylites). I badgered Partner into signing up for a Twitter account too, and he did, and we friended each other a la Facebook, and -
Nothing happened.
Do you see my mistake? I was treating Twitter like Facebook. I assumed that it was meant as a kind of friends' network, chatting each other up and generally having a giggly ol' good time.
Anyway, the Twitter account languished for a while. Then I noticed that a lot of celebrities were mentioning Twitter, and so I tried following them, and – hmm.
I suddenly realized one of the main points of difference between Twitter and Facebook: Twitter is not necessarily reciprocal. People can follow you, but you don't need to follow them.
I guess that's why they don't call them “friends” on Twitter.
Anyway, I signed up for the usual celebrity feeds. (By “celebrity,” I mean anyone well-known. I follow two astronauts, a bunch of comedians, a couple of journalists, and the cast of the Jersey Shore. So go ahead, throw stones at me.) Some are smarter and funnier than others; some have something to say, and others have absolutely nothing to say. Some use Twitter as a kind of joke-a-day vehicle; others use it to pontificate; others use it – well, here's an exchange from last night's feed:
Sn00ki: @VINNYGUADAGNINO I will beat you!!! #hater
VINNYGUADAGNINO: Lololol @sn00ki hahahhaa lolololol
ItsTheSituation: On way to Vegas! 4 an obligated appearance ! Sitch GTL
Sn00ki: That sounds filthy. Watch your mouth Vincent RT @VINNYGUADAGNINO Havin a twitter off day...Don't wanna oversaturate the twarket
JENNIWOWW: Please understand that my schedule is crazy busy & I don't always have time or even see what everyone writes to me....
And my favorite from last night:
VINNYGUADAGNINO: Girls that pop pills, sniff coke etc. ← so unflattering.
Isn't that fun?
This is the 2010 equivalent of Photoplay or Modern Screen, I guess; we, the adoring public, get to watch celebrities goofing around. We get to read their comments, and we can pretend we actually know them. Some are actually writing their own tweets; others aren't (read Frank Rich on this topic). No big surprise.
Both the tweeter and the follower can be misled into a false feeling of community. Back in the salad days of Twitter, David Pogue decided to demonstrate Twitter's outreach during a public forum, and sent out a (fake) request for information to his Twitter followers. He got lots of responses; he then laughingly told them (collectively) that they'd been part of a demonstration, but thanks anyway; and he was startled to find that people were actually angry at having been used.
Imagine that!
Pogue, who is usually smarter than this, talks in his columns and blogs about using Twitter as a “research assistant.” I don't think he realized that, by saying this, he reduced his Twitter followers to a big gummy mass of humanity, from which he can scoop ideas and opinions anytime he likes.
Malcolm Gladwell just had a sobering piece about this in the New Yorker. Among other observations, he points out that the well-known role of Twitter in the Iranian uprising of 2009 was probably grossly overstated, especially since most of the tweets were in English, not Farsi. If it were really being used as a tool by people in the uprising, don't you think they'd use the local language?
Ho hum. Anyway, all in all, Twitter's not really for me. It's good for passing an idle moment, but it's not filling a need in my life. I have exactly three followers at the moment, one of whom is a stuffed animal, so I don't think I'm depriving anyone of anything if I don't tweet frequently.
Besides, I have a hard time compressing my thoughts into 140 characters. If I were able to do that, I'd probably be working at a greeting-card company right now. Or a bumper-sticker factory. Or a fortune cookie bakery.
Actually, that's a good idea. Maybe I'll start transcribing all of my recent fortune cookies into Twitter, and maybe it'll make me famous, and then I will have thousands of followers.
And you can follow me too. It'll be a gas.
Just don't expect me to follow you. Okay?
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