Some time ago, Apollonia’s family was having a conversation
about the actress Ida Lupino,
and the (very demonstrable) fact that she made some pretty awful movies. Then
Apollonia’s brother-in-law Rocky inserted: “What about lupini beans? Do you think Ida
Lupino’s name has anything to do with lupini beans?”
And a fresh argument broke out.
See the picture above if you’re unfamiliar with lupini beans. They’re an
Italian specialty, which you can probably find in your local supermarket (especially
if there’s a big Italian community in your neighborhood). They’re not really
beans, but the huge seeds of the yellow Mediterranean lupine. They contain a
toxin, by the way. They have to be soaked and blanched and rinsed and salted and
all kinds of things before they’re fit to eat. Then you still have to take off
the husk before you eat them.
But they’re really pretty good, once you taste them. Also,
they’re full of nutrients.
When Apollonia’s sister Augusta heard that I was ill, she
rushed into action and sent me a jar of lupini beans, which she’d seasoned
herself with olive oil and herbs. This was the accompanying note:
“My friend Ida always suggests a few lupini a day. They are loaded with
fiber & protein – but don’t overdo it – too many can cause gastric lupinoma
and gastric bezoar composed of multiple lupini beans. Surgical removal
required. Enjoy!”
Also, she sent a can of air freshener, in case the outcome
of the lupini beans was unfortunate (as it might be) for Partner and/or me.
I ate half a dozen of them, and I thought they were pretty
good, and no air freshener was required. Partner is wary of them and hasn’t
tried them yet.
Oh hell they’re just Mediteranean lupine seeds! What could
they possibly do to you?
(I told Augusta, when I wrote her a thank-you note, that I
hoped I did develop a gastric bezoar.
You can use them as an
antidote to poisons, and they also strengthen your aura.)
(You just wait. I will have a glorious aura.)
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