I was walking home the other evening when I met a neighbor – a cute neighbor, sort of a younger Dan Hedaya – with his cute black-and-white dog. The dog was wearing one of those awful lampshades around its neck. “What happened?” I said, gesturing to the dog.
“He had a procedure,” the owner said. “He's nine years old. Look how he keeps bumping his cone!”
The dog came toward me, looking sad and winsome. His collar was scuffed from previous encounters. His eyes said: I had a Procedure. Don't you feel sorry for me?
How could I not? I patted the poor dog on the head. “In nine years,” the owner said, “he's never gotten this much attention.”
So keep that in mind, all you young things out there.
Illness has its uses.
But you have to be at least a little cute to make it work.
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