For a long time I was terrible at making (and keeping) resolutions. Then, at last, I realized that I needed to make reasonable resolutions, rather than pie-in-the-sky type things.
Here are my resolutions for 2012:
- I will renew my passport, so that I can get the hell out of the country if the shit hits the fan.
- I will consolidate my two big sloppy retirement accounts into one slightly neater retirement account, so that I can begin to think (reluctantly) about the Wonderful World of Retirement that awaits me, sometime around the year 2040.
- I will try not to let the election year irk me too much, especially the Republican candidates, who have demonstrated that they will do anything – gay-bashing, maligning the Palestinian state, abusing the poor – if they think it will help them with the far-right base. (And if you think you have it bad where you are, you should see the attack ads that are already airing here for the Massachusetts senatorial campaign. Brutal and idiotic.)
- Whoever wins the November presidential election, I will not commit suicide.
- I will speak to the doctor again about my left kidney, which pains me frequently.
- I will maintain my weight.
- I will continue to go to the health club.
- I will endeavor to keep my nose clean and my hands to myself.
- I will try very hard not to get sick, partly because I do not enjoy being sick, and partly because I sincerely do not want to infect others (most especially Partner) with my nasty viral complaints.
- I will try to live within my means. (Ha!)
- I will keep writing a blog a day, if it kills me. (Actually I enjoy it. It won’t kill me. More likely it will help to keep me alive.)
- On the same topic: I will try very hard to stay alive. I enjoy being alive. I like waking up and seeing Partner next to me in bed; I like seeing the sunlight on the rooftops when I walk to work in the morning; I like listening to Apollonia’s stories; I like eating pasta and tacos and burgers and ice cream. I like baking. I like reading the Financial Times, and doing the FT crossword puzzle, and winning the competition from time to time. I like all kinds of things. I would hate to give any of these things up. I am going to try very hard to live long enough to see New Year’s Day 2013, though even writing that date makes me feel as if I’m in a science-fiction story set in the future.
But if the worst happens, and I don’t make it, I think of this scene from “The Simpsons:”
Grandpa Simpson is determined to prove that he’s still young and vital. He’s riding a bicycle. He hits a bump, and catapults off his bike through the air, over a hedge, and into an open grave in a cemetery. He disappears for a moment. Then we hear his voice from inside the grave: “You know,” he says, “this isn’t so bad. This is kind of peaceful.”
Peaceful sounds pretty good.
Happy new year, kids.
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