I don’t start radiation treatments until Monday October 21,
but already I’m exhausted.
What? You think I’m full of self-pity? Listen: I’ve had five
teeth pulled, and a feeding tube stuck into my belly, not to mention the mental
back-and-forth I’ve been going through.
The idea of cancer doesn’t bother me as much as it did a
month ago. It’s just a fact of life – my life, anyway. I just need to get
through the treatments (which should be done by early December, not really so
long from now).
But the early procedures have made me tired, and the
anticipation of my radiation and chemotherapy treatments makes me tired too.
I’ve been napping on weekends, which I never really did
before. I think of myself as active and alert, but I find myself logy and weary
now.
From my “Comprehensive Cancer” notebook, given to me by my
doctors and nurses: “Think of your cancer
treatment as a time to get well and focus only on yourself.”
This is very tempting advice for a lazy selfish person like
me. To hell with other people!
But something else inside me just wants to go to bed with a
book and a crossword puzzle.
From Stevie Smith:
Oh would that I were a reliable spirit careering around
Congenially employed and no longer by feebleness bound
Oh who would not leave the flesh to become a reliable spirit
Possibly traveling far and acquiring merit.
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